wait for it

my wife is a scientist. she has a masters in geology and likes to research things. she spent 5 years as an equity research analyst. today she manages people's money, continuing to study the market. she can absorb incredible amounts of data and convert it into information.

now more than anything, though, she's a mom. there's no doubt that parenting is largely about heart, not mind. more art than science. and, she's unbelievable at it.

but, her scientist brain has driven her to voraciously consume books about pregnancy and breastfeeding and sleeping and eating and weaning and everything else imaginable. those books are important for her, because it helps her to diagnose issues and to anticipate changes. pregnancy is a profound experience. all those hormone changes were confusing. reality blurred.

the books were helpful for her. it makes perfect sense there are so many. after all, it really is a big deal to have a baby grow inside you, come out and then depend on you for everything.

so she's got all these books. i've read a couple. really. but they're essentially written for women. there weren't many testosterone-centric books to choose from. the books warned her about how she may feel and helped her set expectations. i had nothing.

i'm not complaining. i'm just reflecting. i am a guy. so, talking to other guys was going to be complicated. after all, guys have hazing as a central hard-wired trait. we actually enjoy seeing other guys go through uncomfortable (but not fundamentally dangerous) times. so no-one warned me.

we guys need a book. here's a sample of the things no-one told me:

1. during the last three months of pregnancy and the first three months of life dad is the lowest being on the family totem.
2. during that period, your only job is to make the mother of your child more comfortable.
3. regardless of how wrong she is, the woman carrying your child is NEVER wrong (as far as you tell her)
   
4. nesting is some serious shit. not only will the honey-do list expand, but it will likely include knick-knacks. it may feel as if this is the first step to turning into your parents.
   
5. your selfishness will not be well received. at all. seriously. you don't need to go out with the guys. you don't need to lay on the couch and relax. remember 2 above.
6. it will be perfectly normal for you to be totally amazed by the birth process, and to think your baby looks like an alien
7. it's ok to feel totally useless when the baby first comes home. you kind of are useless because you don't have mammary glands. as a result, you serve no real purpose to the baby. see 2 above.
   
8. babies cry for a relatively limited number of reasons: hunger, fatigue, physical discomfort. knowing this is not all that helpful.
9. everything is unpredictable. this is particularly true about mom's mood.
   
10. women have an instantaneous and profound emotional and chemical connection to the baby. you will not for some time and that's ok.
11. there is no right way or wrong way to parent. there is ONLY mom's way.
    
12. the first time your baby smiles at you, because it's you, will change your life forever

the book i'd write would be called "wait for it." 1-11 above sound like no fun. but they're just the price of admission to 12 - and that is worth the wait.